Checkpoint: Part two. Post Conference.

[View republished version on my new blog]

Last week I shared this post - part one of this checkpoint which is proving to be quite the turning point for me... 

There are some verses in Psalm 38 that reflect how I was feeling last week. Words like "my heart pounds, my strength fails me, even the light has gone from my eyes" (v10) described what life has often felt like in recent months. Prayers like v22-21, "Lord, don't forsake me; don't be far from me my God. Come quickly to help me, my Lord and my Saviour" were similar to what I carried on my heart as I arrived in Sydney for Colour Conference*.  

I can honestly say that there was definitely a specific agenda to my being in Sydney. After months of feeling 'deactivated', with no clarity, living with a posture in my spirit that could only be described as down-trodden, I heard words like "you will rise", "you have permission", "it is personal" and these three words that cut right to the core of me, "GET. BACK. UP."

#woah.

I was also reminded that one of my strengths is how I pour myself into what I do and that's OK - but - I need to guard my heart (Proverbs 4:23) and be mindful of what I'm pouring myself into. 

God could not have been more specific. 

So, what does that mean for me? Where to now? Naturally I returned home chewing on those questions and keen to debrief with a close friend and mentor. Which I did. (I love a good debrief!)

I believe now, that after a few months of rest and recovery, it's clear the next big adventure is before me, and it's time to get back up and go. Step one involves the launch of a new ministry organisation, "Access The Story" happening next Saturday, to which you are invited, and where you will find out more of the story and adventure ahead. 

My journey up to now hasn't been easy, but it has shaped me, taught me and obviously led me to this point today, so in the end, I am grateful. 

I am grateful... 
... for the time I could spend in Sydney, with my awesome mum, in an atmosphere of encouragement, love, community and good teaching. 
... for the specific lessons, breaking the hold my past still had over me. 
... for the power in simply choosing to be grateful! (Go on, try it....) 
... for the sale the "Superdry" store had that meant I could come home with an awesome present for my husband, Darren. ;) (Two hoodies for the price of one? Yes please!)
... for fresh revelation that through it all I am called to love relentlessly, just as I am loved first, because darkness trembles at a love like that. (And I wanna be the kind of person that makes darkness tremble.... Don't you?) 

As usual, my weekend at Colour Conference did not disappoint, and I confess - I did buy a conference t-shirt... I will probably wear it twice and then promote it to the pajama's drawer. #sawitcoming

J xx

Checkpoint: Part one. Pre-conference.

[View the republished version on my new blog]

Here I am again. For about the 6th time, on the eve of another Colour Conference.

I've been known to share a few thoughts at times like these (check links below) so I thought I'd keep with tradition. Only this time, I feel we might have a two-part series on our hands. (If it were a three-part  you could start calling me Pastor Jess... #christianhumour)

So as I sit in the Sydney airport, please indulge me as I take stock of where I'm at today, to be compared with where I will be on Monday.

Since last Colour (in 2012):

Some things have changed.....

1. My marital status. Unlike another pre-Colour post, this time I have bling on my left hand and a new surname. I wonder if this will change the lens I see this weekend through? Probably.

2. My work. Two years ago I was about to go full time in a ministry role I loved. Now, I'm part time in a couple different roles as I recover from burnout caused by the aforementioned role. #irony

3. My priorities. These days I care a lot less about the social aspect of the days before me and instead hope to get some space.

4. My clarity. I have none. Well, maybe a little bit. Certainly much less than I wish I had.

Some things are the same...

1. My pre-conference nerves. You would be the same if you were as introverted as me and were preparing to be in a room with 16,000+ other women. #somuchoestrogen 

2. My anticipation. Every time I've been at Colour I have always come home with greater understanding, clarity (here's hoping!), and passion for what I'm put on this earth to do. 

3. My desire for shoe shopping. Enough said.

4. My mum is by my side. I do love me some quality mumma-daughter time. Will miss my sister though, who I also love doing conference with. 

My hope for the next few days is that I find some space to mentally and spiritually stretch out, work through a few things in my head that are bugging me, eat some yummy Thai food and not buy any of the merchandise that I know deep down I don't need. 

Until Monday....

Jess xx

P.s. I can't do fancy hyperlinks using the blogger app, so if you wanna check out those previous posts go to http://jessicabigg.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/taking-stock-12-month-checkpoint.html or, http://jessicabigg.blogspot.com.au/2011/03/braced-for-battle.html (the second one is interesting to read again.... So much has changed since then!)