How to love your leaders.

[View the republished version on my new blog]

This time of year for me is an intense world of emails, meetings, phone calls and general running around. I often feel helpless when somebody asks me "is there anything I can do to help?" because from a certain point onwards you need to just do it yourself. Delegation is  great but it can be time consuming. Also, the need for help often comes up at the last minute meaning only those who are free at the time can step in - which in this time-poor world, won't be many people.

Having thought about it some more I believe there is a lot you can do for your leaders, not just when they're busy, and it isn't necessarily about taking the task off their hands. (Although that is amazing when that happens.) So here's some thoughts I've come up with on loving your leaders.


1. Be resourceful
These days there are lots of ways to share information. I use all sorts of platforms - our website, facebook (pages AND groups), email, newsletters, text messages, Dropbox, and of course, the good old fashioned face-to-face conversation. (Yes, people still do that.) On top of that I try to make sure I'm not the only person with the answers so if I'm unavailable there should be someone else who can help.
If you need some info from your leader, perhaps investigate a few other pathways first.


2. Keep it "between the nines"
I absolutely love how relational my work is. It is by far the most amazing thing to be in contact with so many awesome people. However, contrary to my 'image', I do have a life outside of my work and that needs to take priority too. So to keep my work/life balance on track, I don't respond to work related calls/texts before 9am or after 9pm. I'll be honest, I don't appreciate my phone going off outside of these times. I need some headspace too from time to time. Pretty sure anyone in leadership does. 


3. Facebook is personal, and not that efficient.
Everyone is on it, most of us love it, and it can be an incredible tool for communication. However, it's still personal which can make it hard to manage 'work talk' when you're only online cos you wanna see the photo your overseas friends just posted from their holiday. When contacting your leader, be cautious when you use facebook for this. With the amount of email traffic I get, I've developed a flagging system that helps me monitor my replies. I can't do this in facebook which makes it difficult.


4. Know you're leaders personality type.
I'm introverted. Yep, it's true. Speaking publicly and leading large groups of people is a learned skilled (one that I love) but it drains me. Heaps. I don't disappear after a large event because I'm being unsociable, I'm just exhausted and can't function properly so I need to take some space. Knowing your leaders personality type will help you understand how and why they interact the way they do, preventing any confusion and potential hurt. This is important for community and sometimes takes some forgiveness. (Leaders get tired and stressed and don't always say everything in the perfect and most pastoral way...) 


5. Respect personal space.
I've alluded to this a bit already. As someone's influence and responsibility grows, so does their need to protect their emotional well being. I believe it's vital for leaders to spend adequate time with people they don't lead. For me, this is expressed in the time I keep on Sundays for my fiance and family. I love making time for people when I can, but I find no shame in saying no because I know I need a break and fall asleep on mum and dad's couch after family lunch. 


6. Pay attention.
Repetition is frustrating. (There, I said it!) Listen. Ask questions. Take notes if you need to. Know what is desired of you to fulfill whatever your role is. A good leader will know how to support and serve you either way, but the journey is a lot more enjoyable (and fruitful) if you don't have to backtrack over details.


Last little tip - offer some encouragement with every request. A little encouragement goes a long way. I love the emails I get that say thanks as well as ask me something. :)

I hope this has landed well -- I've tried to be honest but nice about it. It's not about any kind of separation between leaders and those they lead. It's about recognising that we are all people with needs that when met, help us be the best versions of ourselves. I want to be the best leader I can be and if that means I have to ask you to not text me after 9pm, I'm ok about that.


Just saying.


J xo

Braced for battle...

It's the time of year again, and I'm in Sydney for Colour Conference once more.

On the one hand I am excited about the weekend ahead, and have some amazing memories and lessons learned from previous Colour Conferences. (This is my fourth, and I love it every time) However, I can’t deny that a couple of hours out of our first session, I’m a little afraid. Why? Because the enemy awaits and the battlefield is set… No, not the spiritual enemy, but an emotional enemy. I’m talking about the Christian culture that celebrates marriage and occasionally finds wives  innocently bragging about their amazing husbands and all the amazing things about marriage… Leaving us single chicks feeling rather uncelebrated and unqualified as women.

As per a previous blog post I have mentioned that I haven’t always found it easy to be a twenty-something single Christian female. Over time I have processed most of these feelings and can happily say I am in a place where I am ‘ok’ being where I’m at in life. However, on the brink of one of the largest Christian Women’s conferences in the world, I can’t help but feel I am about to enter a battle; the battle of being ‘ok’ in a room full of passionate (and mostly married) women, who look for jewelery on your left hand right after they smile and say hello… Yes, it happens. And no, I don’t have any bling on my ring finger. Unfortunately. Man I really love bling... ;)

The trouble with being a 27 year old, single, female, Christian in Adelaide…

All the descriptive words in the title of this post describe me. I am all of that. And before I go off on my rant, here’s my disclaimer…
(1) Life is good. I’m not unhappy.
(2) This isn’t about some self-indulgent, personal vent. I know I’m not the only one who experiences this and I don’t mind admitting that life can be tough sometimes, even amongst the good times.
I expect none of this will be news to anyone, but I don’t think it hurts to just put it out there… Just saying…

I turned 27 in August - - I recently discovered that I have grown up with a core-belief that it’s expected to be married by your mid-twenties. Hence, my birthday this year brought up some discomfort with being single. Should I be feeling that I’ve been ‘left on the shelf”? NO! Are you kidding me? But do I feel it anyway? Yes, sometimes. The truth is the majority of people in the ‘real-world’ don’t get married until their thirties. Having said that, there were times when marriage looked like a serious possibility and as much as it hurt to walk away at the time I am happy with where I am at now, compared to where I could have been. I also acknowledge that it’s only in recent years that I’ve truly started discovering who I am and what I’ve been created for. I can’t imagine what life would be like as a young married person not knowing what I now know about myself.

I’ve been single for a while now - - Do I get lonely? Yep. Do I like admitting that? Of course not. No one does. ‘Cos life is meant to be perfect with Jesus at your side right? I wish. Truth is, life isn’t perfect as a Christian, but it does make the difficult times a lot more bearable. Knowing that I have a hope and faith that allows me to cast my burdens onto someone stronger than me. So the loneliness can really suck sometimes but being single has its ‘ups’. I must admit I enjoy having the freedom with my spare time that doesn’t exist when you have to factor someone else into it all the time.

I am a girl… duh... - - Do I dream about the day when I get to walk down the aisle? Sure, sometimes. But I wonder if that might still be the case if weddings, marriages & brides weren’t celebrated such a way that it leaves us single women feeling so uncelebrated just cos our left ring finger remains so bare. Sometimes I feel like I’ll never truly succeed in life until my surname changes and I’m a part of the young-married’s club.

I am a Christian and I live in Adelaide - - We all know it’s a small town. As if it isn’t hard enough as it is to meet someone new, I gotta narrow it down even more by looking for someone with the same faith and love for Jesus… Now, when you meet someone new it’s hard to not automatically go into sussing-out-mode (or be temped to face-stalk them) because you know that person is rare. What’s worse is that you feel like all the non-single people in the room notice when two eligible single people are having a nice chat in the church foyer or at supper one night. If you are one of those people that like to look, stare and talk, please let me ask nicely – Stop it. It’s annoying and puts unwanted pressure on the friendship to be something that probably isn’t destined to be anyway. 90% of the time we all just want to be friends anyway. (And yes, I believe that it’s possible to have a healthy friendship with other single guys in this world. So if you see me having coffee with someone don’t assume it’s a date, please.)

Why did I bother to write this? Maybe cos I think someone needs to say it, so we’re all aware that is isn’t easy and maybe, just maybe, we could be a little more sensitive to wherever we’re at in life.

If you’re married, congratulations. I’m a little bit jealous of you. If you’re single, then rock on. Enjoy it while it lasts. ‘Cos while I’m happy to admit that I don’t want to be single, it can be lots of fun and I believe firmly that marriage is forever so once my single days are over, they are well and truly over.

Just saying…