Birthday facebook deactivation. Try it.

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It was my birthday yesterday. 
So I turned my Facebook off.

"But Jess! Your birthday is, like, the BEST day to have Facebook!"

Yeah maybe... or maybe not.... And here's why...

Sarah Deutscher recently spoke about "The Great Addiction" we have in this world, aka the "like button culture". The addiction to being liked, flattered, have followers, and in this case the frenzy of birthday posts we expect. So, as a bit of a personal experiment (and because I started to consider the effect social media has on me) I turned my Facebook off yesterday.

About a year ago I started intentionally removing social media from the centre of my closest friendships. These days, the majority of my communication with these people is outside of social media. We talk in real life. (Remember what that was like?) 

In addition to this, I've also started deactivating my facebook whenever I am away, on leave, or just need to switch off and IT IS AWESOME. No notifications... No distractions... No obligation... Just real life, real people and real conversation. 

So when my birthday rolled around this year, I decided I wanted to spend it with my husband, family and friends WITHOUT the subconscious "chatter" of birthday posts. 

I'm sorry if I took away your chance to show me some birthday love, but I much prefer the effort of a birthday card than an overload of notifications. Also, I don't want to feed my addiction to that "like button culture" I mentioned earlier. 

Y'see, here's the other thing - Facebook is not one of my love languages. Actually, I'm pretty sure it's not anyone's love language because it's not actually a love language. (Say what now?)! It's just an internet page that we think is personal but really isn't. Social media is a great tool for communication and connection (that I do really enjoy most days) but for life's important events I find it to be cold, tasteless and can often feel like an obligation. (Be honest, how many "HBD2U" messages have you sent to someone you're not really friends with, wouldn't invite to your own b'day party, and only know it's their birthday because facebook told you?) 

Am I over thinking it? Probably... Am I still happy I did it? You betcha. I love detoxing from the social media world and what better day to be fully present in the real world than my birthday? 

Just sayin'. 

Jess xo

P.s. Yes, I did turn 30 yesterday... No, I'm not upset about that. I'm actually really done with my 20's and very excited to have entered the new decade. 


P.p.s. This was obviously a personal choice and not one I expect anyone to convert to having read this blog. There's no judgement here. Do what you want with your social media. My only encouragement is that you turn it off every once in a while. 

Newlywed Realities

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It's been just over two months now and as my Instagram followers would know, I've been making note of a few reality checks you get as a newlywed. It's been a great journey and there's no end to the lessons I am learning, but for now, let me share the first ten:

#1 - You buy bigger jars of stuff.

No longer do I feel like buying the big jar is wasteful. Grocery shopping for two instead of one is easier and more economical.

#2 - I had better things to do than post on Facebook. 

For the first few weeks of married life I pretty much didn't post anything. What's worse is that I actually tried... I even stared at a the blank status update field and tried to think of something worth posting. Truth is, my actual reality was so good I didn't care much for my social media world. 

#3 - Some moments aren't very glamorous. 

This picture is from bed-assembly-day. Darren and I would be AWFUL on one of those reality TV shows. We have A LOT to learn about working together on practical projects... 

#4 - There are some perks. Like a new gigantic bed.

Other perks include: having a team mate for the rest of your life, someone to cuddle on the couch, all the extra 'stuff' you get (furniture, kitchen utensils etc)... 

#5 - You look at your wedding photos ALL the time.

I was ridiculously excited the day we got our professional photos back. Not only did they look amazing, but our incredible photographer managed to tell the story and reflect every feeling of the day - that every time I look through them I get to revisit all of that! 

#6 - You get some very cool presents!

For example, picture here is the Kre-o Transformers set and very cute little teapot we got from one of our good friends - awesome!! 

#7 - You count your time married like a newborn baby - in weeks and months til you hit one year. 

So until we reach the first of our yearly anniversaries, I will probably post overly romantic status tributes to my husband of 'x' months. (Sorry...) 

#8 - You get very excited over a piece of paper. 

For an administratively minded person like me, receiving this in the mail felt amazing. Finally  I could legally change my name on stuff and sort out my personal administration! 

#9 - You develop new skills. 

I am now the resident scorer at my husbands social basketball. (Yes, I know it won't last... In fact, I think it's already fading out...) 

#10 - Changing your name is both exciting and challenging.

For 29 years I was a Blesing. Now I'm a Bigg. It's weird. Don't get me wrong, I love it, but I never knew how much of my identity I had wrapped up in my name until now. They say it takes some adjusting. This is definitely true! 

Phewf! And all of that just in the first couple of months! Perhaps I should keep taking notes and post progress reports along the way? 

Much love, 
Jess (aka Mrs Bigg) xo

6 months on... How knee surgery changed my life.

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Today marks 6 months since my knee reconstruction. The day that changed my life as I know it. The day I realised just how important a knee is and what it's like when it doesn't work properly. A part of me wishes it hadn't happened (I'm only human), but most of me is grateful for what I've learnt. Let me share some thoughts... 

It changed my capacity.
Obviously I was physically limited (I couldn't weight bear for a month and I didn't drive for 6 weeks) but to my surprise (and occasional frustration!) my mental capacity was drastically reduced also. Recovering from surgery, relying on others, remembering to do your rehab, rethinking how you move/walk/sit/stand up is mentally EXHAUSTING. So when it came to other areas in my life, I had much less to give. And since I am not yet fully recovered, there is still an element of this today. But you know what? I'm actually ok about that. Being forced to slow down isn't all bad... 

It changed my Christmas. 
My surgery was 6 days before Christmas. I spent the day sitting down with my leg elevated in a large brace - just a little bit different to what I was expecting. It was weird, not a whole lot of fun, but my family were amazing and I actually appreciated just sitting back and watching it all go by. 

It changed my understanding of 'health'. 
I used to think that stress, tiredness, sickness, injury etc, weren't that connected. But now it makes more sense to me that when one part of my being suffers, so will others. For example, after my surgery I noticed my eczema flared up and took longer to heal. If I only have one body, one mind, one heart, then I only have so much energy to keep them all running well. So these days I take a more wholesome approach to self care and take cues from my body and my mind when I'm not doing so well. 

If pictures are your thing, here's a snapshot of my journey... 

I ruptured my ACL playing Netball, Tuesday 27th November. 

(5 months to the day before my wedding.)

Celebrating one of the first times I got up and about.

Early rehab exercises. Leg raises were hard work! 

Speaking of rehab... I had a method. Whiteboards rule! 

I also had some little rehab helpers. 

... and some entertainment. Tommy liked my "scrunches"...

You celebrate the little things - like doing a full rotation on a bike.

(I still can't jog yet - hopefully soon.)  

Christmas Day view. 

My special rehab helper was also my buddy on Christmas Day. 

I couldn't wear heels, but at least I walked down the aisle! 

I owe a lot to my family and friends, my (now) husband, and my Physio, Jonno, without whom the last 6 months would have been unbearable. Here's to an even better 6 months and my triumphant return to netball (hopefully!) and the first day when I don't think about my knee at all! 

Jess xo

How to love your leaders.

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This time of year for me is an intense world of emails, meetings, phone calls and general running around. I often feel helpless when somebody asks me "is there anything I can do to help?" because from a certain point onwards you need to just do it yourself. Delegation is  great but it can be time consuming. Also, the need for help often comes up at the last minute meaning only those who are free at the time can step in - which in this time-poor world, won't be many people.

Having thought about it some more I believe there is a lot you can do for your leaders, not just when they're busy, and it isn't necessarily about taking the task off their hands. (Although that is amazing when that happens.) So here's some thoughts I've come up with on loving your leaders.


1. Be resourceful
These days there are lots of ways to share information. I use all sorts of platforms - our website, facebook (pages AND groups), email, newsletters, text messages, Dropbox, and of course, the good old fashioned face-to-face conversation. (Yes, people still do that.) On top of that I try to make sure I'm not the only person with the answers so if I'm unavailable there should be someone else who can help.
If you need some info from your leader, perhaps investigate a few other pathways first.


2. Keep it "between the nines"
I absolutely love how relational my work is. It is by far the most amazing thing to be in contact with so many awesome people. However, contrary to my 'image', I do have a life outside of my work and that needs to take priority too. So to keep my work/life balance on track, I don't respond to work related calls/texts before 9am or after 9pm. I'll be honest, I don't appreciate my phone going off outside of these times. I need some headspace too from time to time. Pretty sure anyone in leadership does. 


3. Facebook is personal, and not that efficient.
Everyone is on it, most of us love it, and it can be an incredible tool for communication. However, it's still personal which can make it hard to manage 'work talk' when you're only online cos you wanna see the photo your overseas friends just posted from their holiday. When contacting your leader, be cautious when you use facebook for this. With the amount of email traffic I get, I've developed a flagging system that helps me monitor my replies. I can't do this in facebook which makes it difficult.


4. Know you're leaders personality type.
I'm introverted. Yep, it's true. Speaking publicly and leading large groups of people is a learned skilled (one that I love) but it drains me. Heaps. I don't disappear after a large event because I'm being unsociable, I'm just exhausted and can't function properly so I need to take some space. Knowing your leaders personality type will help you understand how and why they interact the way they do, preventing any confusion and potential hurt. This is important for community and sometimes takes some forgiveness. (Leaders get tired and stressed and don't always say everything in the perfect and most pastoral way...) 


5. Respect personal space.
I've alluded to this a bit already. As someone's influence and responsibility grows, so does their need to protect their emotional well being. I believe it's vital for leaders to spend adequate time with people they don't lead. For me, this is expressed in the time I keep on Sundays for my fiance and family. I love making time for people when I can, but I find no shame in saying no because I know I need a break and fall asleep on mum and dad's couch after family lunch. 


6. Pay attention.
Repetition is frustrating. (There, I said it!) Listen. Ask questions. Take notes if you need to. Know what is desired of you to fulfill whatever your role is. A good leader will know how to support and serve you either way, but the journey is a lot more enjoyable (and fruitful) if you don't have to backtrack over details.


Last little tip - offer some encouragement with every request. A little encouragement goes a long way. I love the emails I get that say thanks as well as ask me something. :)

I hope this has landed well -- I've tried to be honest but nice about it. It's not about any kind of separation between leaders and those they lead. It's about recognising that we are all people with needs that when met, help us be the best versions of ourselves. I want to be the best leader I can be and if that means I have to ask you to not text me after 9pm, I'm ok about that.


Just saying.


J xo

I'm done defending God.

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Bet you're wondering what the heck I'm on about. Am I crazy? Well, probably, but that's not the point...

Recent life experiences have been showing me there are some elements to the missional lifestyle that need some tweaking. Some responsibilities are mine, some are not. Here are some thoughts...

1) I'm done defending God. He doesnt need me to fight a battle He's already won. 

My idea of being a good witness involves knowing the truth (check!), believing it (check!), living accordingly (trying to!) and telling others about it (whenever I get the opportunity). But when I get a chance to talk about it, I will no longer jump on the defence (or worse, the attack) as if I have something to prove. God can and will do the proving for Himself. 

"Sometimes the idea of mission seems like a gathering of an army to go and conquer something. It seems goal specific, like the default is about us achieving something for God. Gaining some kind of authority." (Some thoughts from my friend and teacher, Tim Hein) 

But we're not actually called to do something for God and establish His authority - He has plenty of that all by Himself. There's a difference between those who bear witness to authority and those who carry it. 

2) I'm done trying to impress people with my theological understanding. (Like I know that much anyway...)

When I was recently faced with the truth that one of my friends had a terrible time growing up, do you think I had some deep theological answer for them? Nope. I was speechless actually. I just wanted to cry and give them a big hug.

I've realised now that my 'training' was about shaping my heart, mind, character, & aligning my life with Gods purpose for me. It's not about my spoken language. All too often I find that there are no words to say when someone shows you how deep their hurt goes, how broken they are. Instead I think about James 2:14-20 where it says "I will SHOW you my faith by my DEEDS." (NLT, emphasis mine)

Note: It says deeds. Not bible college degree... 

Deeds. Behaviour. Attitude. Lifestyle. 

(Seems more action based than spoken word, no?)

3) I'm done telling God where He needs to go.

I wonder what God thinks when we rock up in someones life and say to Him, "Righto God, lets get to work!" I imagine him rolling his eyes and thinking, My dear beloved, bless your cotton socks, but do you not realise I love this person like I love you and have been here since the beginning of time?

Perhaps instead of trying to lead God and inviting Him to work with us, we need to get behind Him, and see what He is already doing in the hearts and minds of people. That is the message I am to carry, not one I create myself, expecting God to turn up and support whatever I'm doing. (How obnoxious!)

4) I'm done working in isolation.

A large part of my job involves me managing a project that sees 6 different teams, each operating on different Saturday nights, serving and helping all kinds of people in need on Hindley Street, Adelaide. 

The individual teams may not know each other or cross paths much, but when we gathered all the team leaders recently, we heard so many stories about the same people each team were encountering and supporting from week to week. Amazing! 

I sat back and thought to myself, what an incredible example of what it means to be a part of a mission that is bigger than just your individual activity. 

Isn't that what the Church is meant to be? A global movement of believers, who by a seemingly unintentional system of seed planting, are in fact impacting the world through God, for God.

So... 

I'm done defending God. He doesn't need me fighting His already-won battle. 

I'm done trying to make an impact with my words when our actions speak louder anyway.

I'm done trying to make God move somewhere when He just wants me to go where He already is.

I'm done working in isolation and I need to better represent the global movement I'm actually already a part of. 

Instead, I will continue to dedicate this life to becoming the person I was created to be*, partnering with what God is already doing, bearing witness to a growing movement of  Christians awakening to what it means to BE the Church, not GO TO church. 

Just saying.

J xo

*I am so far from perfect, thought life was worthless, until You showed me who I am. Not here by mistake, no luck, only grace. I'm on my way to who I am. Not who I was. Not yet what I shall be. (Sample of lyrics from "I Am" - by Kirk Franklin)

A new church experience.

Imagine a church experience shaped around a community with needs. A community that would see more rejection than acceptance. A community that doesn't know the truth about Jesus and wouldn't know the first thing about modern day Christian culture.

Sounds challenging, right?

Now imagine a facility that's open in the heart of Adelaide's city, that aims to reach out to the least of these with food, company, rest, and clothing.

Tonight, for the first time, my friends at CitySalvos launched a new church service - simple in design, but large in scope. New in modern day missional terms, but old school in biblcal heart.

Two of the three people in the front row during tonight's service were first timers to any experience resembling church as I know it. One came up to me at the end and wasn't even sure if he'd used the word 'sermon' correctly. The other one was so chuffed with himself after I thanked him for sitting up the front. (I explained that as a worship leader you always feel better when people sit closer.)

Imagine if 'mission' wasn't something we did just outside of the church building, but was a central part of what happens inside the church gathering!

Tonight I saw glimpses of what it looks like to turn your actions into words. To start with an act of service, then invite someone into a conversation.

Still sound challenging?

Perhaps.

But I know a group of people who instead of seeing the challenge, only see the opportunity.

And when God places an opportunity like this in front of you, who are we to say no?

Just saying.

xo

Taking stock... A 12 month checkpoint.

I am sitting in the Sydney Entertainment Centre surrounded by thousands and thousands of women. It's that time of year, again. The time when I brave my fear of large crowds, let go of my Hillsong skepticism, forget about my work emails and bask in the beauty of sitting still, being one of the many, and learning. Its time to plug in and soak it up!

This time last year I wrote this blog... And what a 12 months it has been since then! For the third year in a row I am facing significant change in work and I am bringing it to colour conference to lay it down, seek guidance, receive peace, renewal and restoration of the heart as I brace myself for a new level. (And a busier workload... Again!!)

As always, I am thankful for the journey that is my life, but I am particularly thankful for these past few years especially. I believe I have grown more in this time than any other season in my 28 years of life. For the third year in a row, these few days in Sydney will be a 'marker' in my year that launch me into the growth that lies ahead. Bring it on, I say.

It makes me wonder, what will I be writing about this time next year?

 (For the record, I was battling identity issues last year as a single woman. I dealt with that at last years conference and met my now-boyfriend, Darren, a few weeks later... God has a wicked sense of humour.)